Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Best of the Breasts: Exposing Our Big “D” Breastaurants

Breasts have descended upon the Dallas area once again. At one time DFW was endowed with the highest number of strip clubs per capita of any metropolitan area in the country. But as the morals of a “so-called” majority have gained ground, the number of men’s clubs and acceptable locations for this type of business has dramatically decreased.

So, what’s a hot-blooded Texan guy gonna do to get his fill of fillies? He’s gonna head to Hooters, of course! The next best thing to a strip club: Music, sports on the tube, cold beer, hot wings, and even hotter waitresses, who are all dressed in uniforms that leave little to the imagination.

Hooters, the first of the “breastaurant” concepts, got its start in Clearwater, FL. The very first Hooters was built on the site of a former nightclub, and was a timely idea that filled a need for the American male. Opening its doors on April 1, 1983, as an "April Fool’s" joke, the original six owners believed that their prospect was destined to fail. But to their shock and pleasure, it has set the standard for a now thriving industry, and Dallas is currently top-heavy in Breastaurants.

The popularity of the Hooters franchise has spurred a renaissance of bosom-based restaurants with new area locations popping out, er… up it seems almost monthly. The themes vary from Lumber”Jills” to Scottish lasses, but all typically include a fairly basic wings/burger/bar food menu, and scantily clad young women, willing to flirt and eager to bring you cold beer and hot food.

The chain Twin Peaks has recently had some local opposition from some Southlake residents who have said "We don't want those kinds of businesses… (They are) not suitable for Southlake”. But Southlake Chamber of Commerce President RaDonna Hessel has said "We look at them as businesses doing business and adding to our tax bases". Whatever the outcome, the litigiousness seems to have done little but keep breasts fresh in the public eyes and minds of Dallasites. Woohoo!

The current reigning champions of the Bid “D” Breastaurant Battles are:

Bone Daddy’s

http://www.bonedaddys.com/ - Their four locations, in Arlington, Austin, Dallas, and Grapevine serve up bodacious barbecue and burgers, with a few salad choices. The girls sport little, Italian-looking, midriff, short-sleeved, zip-up sweaters and black short-shorts.

Burger Girl

http://theburgergirl.com/ - The girls’ outfits vary here from girl to girl. They have their choice of black or white tight-fitting tanks or tees with shorts. The food can be hit or miss, but the drinks are strong and the prices are good.

Honey Shack

http://www.honeyshackdallas.com/ - Black, midriff jogging tops and black mini-skirts are the order of the day. The girls are great and work hard for the money. The food here is a step above some of the others on this list and the prices are a tad higher, with their top steak, a 10 oz. tenderloin, breaking the thirty dollar mark. One cool thing here, each booth has its own TV!


http://www.hooters.com/ – The one that started it all! With over 450 titillating Hooters locations, one can get a glimpse of tightly trussed ta-tas almost anywhere. They still have some of the best wings around, even if their average size has diminished in recent years. Don’t worry Hooters; it happens to all of us!

Tilted Kilt

http://www.tiltedkilt.com/ – Aye, Lassie - Plaid never looked so good! Short pleated skirts with matching bra-like bikini tops and everything else that a guy could ask for in a sports bar. Five Texas locations and growing fast. Fairly standard bar/pub fare with a good number of specialty drinks.

Twin Peaks

http://www.twinpeaksrestaurant.com/ - Seven North Texas locations make it easy to find some peaks to climb in your area. They’re awfully hard to miss in those flannel, plaid, tied-tops and little short-shorts. Home-style cooking with a nice sandwich selection with twenty-nine degree draft beer - apparently it’s a bit nippy at the top of those peaks!

Most wives and girlfriends have a problem with their men going to strip clubs, but breastaurants are fairly innocuous and are an indulgence for the boys, without much fear of repercussions. Hundreds of dollars (in singles) don’t mysteriously vanish from the bank account and lipstick seldom shows up on collars. Guys get their sports and fried food fix and get to pretend that their waitresses think that they’re cute. They feel like they got away with something and their egos are stroked, the wives don’t worry, and the girls and restaurants make money. American Capitalism at it’s fun-loving best! So, grab a pair… of beers, stimulate the… economy, order some wings, and let the good times roll!


  1. I didn't know there were that many different "breastaurants".

  2. Red Neck Heaven should NOT be missing from this list! its in Lewisville, with another opening soon in Ft. Worth. Awesome place.