Friday, April 6, 2012

Beach, Buffett... Bingo!

Beach, Buffett… Bingo!

Parrotheads of the world unite! On April 19th Jimmy Buffett and the Coral Reefer band are coming back to town for their annual concert, and if you haven’t been to a Buffett parking lot party, then you’ve been missing out on one hell of a bash.

Nice... parrot

Jimmy is a singer-songwriter best known for his "island escapism" music and lifestyle, and for starting the “trop-rock” (tropical rock) music movement, "Margaritaville" and "Come Monday" being his most recognizable hits.

He has an incredibly devoted fan base, affectionately known as "Parrotheads," and is a film producer, a businessman, a best-selling writer, and owns two restaurant chains named after his tunes, "Cheeseburger in Paradise" and "Margaritaville".

For the past five years the party (concert) has been held in Frisco at the Dr. Pepper Arena, where there’s ample room for parking, partaking, and passing out for an overnight stay (thongs... er, throngs of people show up in motor homes). However, this year it’s being held back at Starplex/Smirnoff/Superpages/Gexa Energy Pavilion (or whatever the hell they’re calling it this week).

This is the first place that I ever saw Jimmy, and learned of the inner peace that can be attained; the mellow smoothness, the tequila-swilling, hang-on-for-dear-life, throw-down, toilet-hugging, thrill-ride that is a Parrothead parking lot party (I broke my elbow at one a few years back)! But this year it’s also being held on a Thursday! Really Jimmy? In one of your biggest markets? Hey, Freddie Fishsticks… Some of us have real freakin’ jobs, and need a day or two of recuperation after one of your gigs, ya hard-partying old fart!

At a Buffet blow-out you’re going to see sights the likes of which you’ve never seen. You’ll experience new ways of consuming alcoholic beverages...

A Shot-Ski

and you’ll learn to wear clothing in the most revealing and enticing ways, without actually getting arrested.

It’s a veritable cornucopia of life lessons all wrapped up in one big sticky, sweaty, inebriated, grass-skirt-laden, coconut-shell bikini-covered package.

Portable Pole Dancing

So, make up some jell-o shots, grab some rum and tequila, pack your battery-powered blender, grab some more tequila, head out to Margaritaville a la Dallas, and be prepared to get leid! Lawn seats are $36.50 and reserved seats are $136.50. As in Frisco, RVs will be allowed in the parking lot for a fee. Lots will open at noon on Thursday at the “Gexa Energy Pavilion”.

Spin the wheel, win a prize!

The Corona Bikini Team

With land-locked Dallasites penchant for alcoholic imbibery, you’d think that a tiki/beach bar would be a no-brainer and quickly develop a loyal following, but unfortunately, as proven by the relatively recent re-opening and re-closing of Trader Vic’s, the Metroplex just doesn’t seem to be on island time yet. Soon come mon, soon come. Den ev-ery-ting gonna be ire!

A Flush for a Flash

If you can’t make it out on Thursday to party with the “Pirate Lookin’ at 70”, here’s the next best thing that DFW has to offer; a list of our current best-shots for beach-themed clubs. Aquaholic establishments to quench your tropi-conch needs and kick your spring off with a boat-drink bang. Fins up!

Jello Wrestling!

Yucatan Beach Club

1850 E. Belt Line Rd., Coppell, TX 75006 (972) 462-7715 – A frequent meeting place for the Lone Star Parrothead Club, the Yucatan hosts volleyball, darts, poker, and pool leagues, and has Karaoke on Thursdays, all with a real beachy feel.

Weekends Paradise bar and Grill

600 Cooke Dr., Rowlett, TX 75088 (972) 475-6438 – This bar is actually floating on Lake Ray Hubbard, and the Texas Queen Riverboat docks there! Good live music, tropical specialty drinks, and a big food menu, all in a unique waterfront setting.

Froggy’s Boat House and Beach Club

4400 White Settlement Rd., Fort Worth, TX 76114 (817) 377-4485 – Froggy’s has a real roadhouse feel to it. A big volleyball court, live music stages inside and outside, and a good lookin’ staff and clientele. There’s always something wild going on here, whether their putting up a temporary swimming pool or an inflatable water slide, or they’re having a “suds” party.

Obzeet’s patio

19020 Preston Rd. Dallas, TX 75252 (972) 867-6126 – Once you step onto the patio at Obzeet, you’ll be hard-pressed to tell that you’re not at a bar in some little Caribbean coastal village. A koi pond and waterfall add to the atmosphere. Live acoustic music most nights and an amazing selection of desserts.

Sneaky Pete’s

2 Eagle Point Rd., Lewisville, TX 75077 (972) 434-2500 – Happy hour every day, right on the water at Lake Lewisville, so you can pull your boat right up to the bar. They have a swimming pool, ive music Thursday-Saturday and a jazz brunch. Patience is a virtue here as service can be hit or miss, but the place has the potential to be lot of fun.

A Buffet concert has a bit of a Mardi Gras feel to it and you’ll want to stay clear of the golf carts...

pace yourself, try the shot luge and a shot-ski, be gracious, and have rip-snorting, Hawaiian-shirt-wearing, drinking-from-a-coconut good time. If you want more info on the show you can check out Jimmy’s site ( or hit my buddies up, at the local Lone Star Parrothead Flock’s site (

This article was brought to you by the number Niiine and the letter Arrrrrrrrr. (Say it like a pirate!)